I had been drinking most of the night, but I still thought driving home was good. Actually, at that stage, I had no idea if it was a good idea or not; I was in a total blackout. Little did I know that it would be my last drive for a long time. As I flew down the road, my car started to drift off course and hit the median curb. The impact sent me into an airborne spiral as if gravity had no control over me. The world around me seemed to move in slow motion as I flew across the entire median and crashed back onto solid ground with such force that all four tires were ripped apart from each other, shattering all windows. I felt myself being thrown around inside as if in a washing machine. Then came one final impact that broke a bone in my neck, and I found my forehead smashed against what remained of the windshield glass, leaving gas spilling out onto the pavement beneath me.
As soon as consciousness returned, I heard sirens blaring in the distance while trying desperately not to pass out again. Finally, I managed to crawl out from underneath the pile of torn metal and staggered toward the firefighters rushing toward me before collapsing one final time on the cold concrete below. I could feel my life slipping away from me.
I was told I had died inside the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I knew that already. I remember being held in a bubble of warmth without pain for a short time. There was a glow I was inside of, and I could feel no pain, no anxiety, and no problems. It felt amazing. I was given an option. Stay here and face the pain or go with him. I thought of my kids and decided to come back. In woosh, as you would see in a movie, I was pulled back into my body, and complete insanity ensued. Doctors were working on me. They had to hold me down. Strap me to the gurney. I blacked out again.
When I woke up, I was still in a panic. A cop was sitting in the room staring at me, and I was handcuffed to the bed rail. As I lay in a hospital bed handcuffed to the bed rail, I felt like the sum of all my fears and doubts had come to meet me. I was overcome with a feeling that I didn’t even know who I was. The crash left me with a broken neck and an even more fragile ego… to be continued.
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