My Death Made Me Whole Part II

My name is Matt, and I was once a very entitled person. I thought nothing could stop me, that I had all the power in the world. But then, one day, my life changed drastically after getting into an accident while drinking and driving. After being rushed to the hospital, it became evident that although no one else had been injured or killed, there were consequences for my behavior—I was sent to mandatory rehab to get help with my drinking problem before something worse happened. 

At first, I didn’t want to go because of how powerless and helpless it made me feel; plus, admitting that you have a problem is never easy. However, as time went on at rehab—talking about what happened during group therapy sessions and even attending 12-step meetings outside of rehab—I started to slowly realize just how much damage alcohol had done not only to me but also those around me who cared about me deeply. With each passing day at rehab came new insight into why my behavior was so wrongheaded in the first place: fear of failure combined with too much pride leading up to reckless decisions like drinking and driving, which almost cost lives, including my own. After weeks of attending meetings and talking with counselors, slowly but surely, things began to change for me. For the first time, I started letting go of my pride and stubbornness by admitting that I was powerless over my addiction – something which felt impossible at first! Each day, little by little, brought more clarity and an understanding that maybe giving up control wasn’t bad. 

Eventually, it sank in that if I wanted to change myself in the future, then I must be willing to accept God’s grace as well as give up control over everything – this included trusting others for support instead of relying solely on myself for strength when times got tough (which they often did). It took months of repeating “I am powerless” out loud before this truth finally settled within my heart. Eventually, more clarity emerged through prayerful contemplation, helping bring peace back into my life. 

Nowadays, whenever faced with difficult situations such as cravings for alcohol or feeling overwhelmed by stressors due to higher than average expectations set upon me, rather than reaching towards self-destructive coping mechanisms like old habits used prior – now instead, I remain mindful & humble, realizing true happiness will come from embracing inner courage & faith wholeheartedly versus depending solely upon external forces alone which can’t always be trusted or relied upon no matter what may appear at face value. Before long, sobriety became easier than drinking ever did before; it gave way to being able to appreciate life again like never before – from its simplest moments, such as having dinner with family or going for walks outdoors – because now everything seemed so much richer once you let go of your limitations and surrender yourself into the hands of God (however you understand him). My experience in rehab taught me not only about addiction but also about self-love; how important it is for humans to find a balance between taking care of ourselves and allowing ourselves the grace we need when times are tough.